A Happy Medium?

Recently I've been struggling with one factor of mental illness that I haven't really either encountered or considered before now.  I suppose that before now, I took the easy route regarding my mental illnesses: I blamed everything on them, I used them as a crutch, and in a way, I probably expected people to be lenient on me because of my anxiety, ADHD, OCD, etc.  Now that I'm actively trying to work on them in a way that I never have before, I'm also finding strength in myself.  I'm taking more blame, I'm taking more responsibility, and I'm taking control (or at least I'm trying to- one day at a time!).  

With this new approach that I have to my illnesses, I'm noticing things that I hadn't noticed before.  I'm noticing things that have been hidden from me to protect me.  Not huge things, but more so that my parents would delay telling me things to prevent me from being more anxious.  They'd tell me something after the fact, or closer to an event that I may be anxious about.  That makes me wonder what other things have been kept from me in order to not provoke further anxiety.  

That realization hurt my feelings.  Not in a "wah wah I'm a bratty child and deserve to know everything" way, at least I hope not.  The best way that I can describe it is that I felt dehumanized or belittled to a degree.  It felt like those close to me felt like I wasn't capable of coping with that information, or that I couldn't see the silver lining to the topics at hand.  I can't say for certain how I would have reacted to the information 3 weeks ago, but I like to think that I'd have been able to see the benefits to it.  

  

From that train of thought, I have to ask- is there a happy medium to this? I appreciate that my parents consider how certain things may affect me, absolutely.  But is there a way for those close to people with mental illness to simultaneously consider the effects of things on the person with mental illness while still giving the person a choice?  Is there a way to effectively allow the person freedom to grow and cope and learn and heal while being true to the relationship and true to the needs of both persons?

This isn't to say that all interactions should be edited for the benefit of the person struggling.  I am well aware that some things in life are hard and need to be faced with a degree of brazenness, regardless of how healthy or sick or tired or awake or short or tall or any number of reasons to avoid something.  

But somewhere, somewhere, I hope there is that happy medium.  That place where both participants in a relationship (doctor/patient, mother/daughter, brother/sister, friends, partners, etc) can have honest and mutually beneficial interactions.  Interactions where both people contribute and take from it, where both are honest and true to themselves, where each person is considerate of the other's needs.  

The only conclusion I can come to is how insanely important it is to be open with each other.  To communicate what your needs are, what your goals are, what your successes are.  If, as a person with mental illness, you choose to be open about it, maybe it's in your best interest to communicate these things in order for optimal relationships.  But that's just a guess, and I'm just one person.